NaNoWriMo- take two

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)takes place every November and challenges people to craft a novel, or at least 50,000 words of one, during that month. I had tried this once before. At that time I was dealing with a death of a close family friend and major stress from all of the end-of-semester college projects. (For that second reason, NaNoWrimo is very ill-timed.)

This time, I started about a week late. I still have classes and that friend is still never far from my mind. This time...I won. By winning I mean that I met the word goal, but I don't think that the story was quite finished. I had some pieces out of order and it felt choppy in places where I just pushed through to get to the next scene. But I did it.

This year has been about proving myself...to myself. People see much more potential and talent in me than I have seen in myself. So started working at it. I ran a mile this year. I got all A's last semester (first time when taking four classes). I finally made at least a partial decision about what to do post-community college. Completing this project just kept the 'I-can-do-it' ball rolling. I almost danced when I was done. I missed it when it was over. And I keep signing in and checking my page to see the little stat chart that marked my progress. I am a winner.

Happy December!

autumn treasure

I've been told that the leaves don't change everywhere the way they do in New England. So a friend who is a New England native but is currently on scholarship overseas I went to our neighborhood park and took some photos. It felt good to have the camera in my hands again. I'd missed it.

breathe 10.20

I've been a crafter that
doesn't craft.
I've been a writer that
doesn't write.
I've been a photographer that
doesn't photograph.

I've been disconnected from myself, not listening to my heart's desire. I've been claiming labels that I didn't live up to. It hadn't been worth the bother...or so it seemed. I'd fallen off in a subtle way, a tragic way. I was disappearing into myself. I wasn't happy.

I'm coming back. I'm starting over. I'm making the effort. I'm learning to live unafraid. I'm learning to embrace the things that I have to do even if no one else ever appreciates them.

To keep this from being all sort of psycho-babble here real examples.
I took photos the other day. (evidence to be uploaded shortly, I hope)
I started a short story that I don't know the ending of. I'm letting that be okay.
I kept walking, running, exercising.
I began voicing my thoughts a little more in my classes. It was strange to hear my voice at first. But it is good.
When I get home I plan to knit and quill a little.
I starting to see myself not as 'less-than' (for reasons I won't bother getting into now) and rather remarkably free. With help I can do anything. I can do anything.

I'm starting to believe.

October

October smells like fall.
Crayons smell like school.
I am there
and here.
Breathing.

of men and zombies

Bro1 and I spent an evening with friends. During the course of the night the talk turned to how the group assembled would survive in the event of a zombie apocalypse. On the way back home, Bro1 brought up how we thought a certain friend, who'd been absent from this meeting but was part of the group, would fare with "The Council's" decision about her tasks in our "compound".

To which I said:

There's no way that she would agree to "The Council's" idea of making all the women breeders and cooks (so were the words of two-thirds of the self-appointed council. democracy, say what?). She would very likely take the zombie antidote that D made up, go out and bite people, turn them into the zombies and lure them back to the compound and into the zombie traps set out to get specimens for their basement experiments.

Then I stopped. I looked at Bro1, barely visible in the unlit van. But I could see his eyes...and his smile. I was right about the character analysis. He knew it, too, and was entertained. But what the heck were the words that just came out of my mouth? I shook my head. "I can't believe what I just said. I can't believe what I just said."

_{Photo: Tinaseamonster}