Let's see

dd- Day 1
Originally uploaded by lpdesigns

I don't know what to say. Just typin' randomly and see what happens. (only for semi-experienced sober bloggers...extremely dangerous otherwise...hehe)

I'm tired of feeling the way I do. I'm tired of it. For real. I'm tired of fighting myself, fighting the world and whatever powers that be. I thought I'd caught a break, that things were changing. But everything's really still the same. I'm left to wonder, and wander, alone...again. I'm so disappointed.

I should mention that it's the Super Bowl. I want the Patriots to win. It's more a regional alliance for me than a real deep caring as it with the Yankees. Yankee love is genetic, generational for me. Plus, then they'd go undefeated for the whole season. In a past life I was a sports junkie. I still keep up with some stuff.

Bought new thread yesterday. My family keeps giving me gift certificates to a local bead store. It would be better if they just gave me the money, haha, but I know they won't do that. It's mostly pastels. I'll have to see what I can come up with. I could have bought all the colors they had, but I just couldn't use the whole gift certificate at once. There were other things I needed, but it's better to buy them online, in bulk.

Well, I'll say that's the end of my post. Not too bad.

Post Picture:New magnets to be listed later this week. I lurves the stick people. :)

I'm 2!

On Etsy, I am 2! I can hardly believe it. Though this last month, the last 5 months have been seemed to creep by, my Etsy time seems to have flown by. I got a sale, today, too. So that was nice. :)

I've come a ways in regards to my shop. I still have a lot I want to do. Don't we all? I'm in a way better state of mind then I was a year ago. So it's mostly good.

Post Pictures: I uploaded several of the banners that I've used in my shop over the last two years. The top was the first. The bottom one is the current one. There were lots more in between that just weren't that interesting or that I deleted. It's interesting to see them together. The changes, the memories, the same.

Blurble 1.28

I saw a sign: Free North Korean Refugees in China. I don't understand this sign.

Switching from IE to Firefox made a difference with my PC. IE is increasingly becoming evil to me. I'm still a bit of a holdout though.

Really had to push myself today. This is a difference from where I was before, when I would have only wanted to wallow. I still consider sleeping away my problems. I know that won't work, but I consider it. I did manage to sand 10 blanks for magnets. Sanding takes sooo long because I do it by hand. But I put on some music and did it. I also typed up another piece I'd written, took some pictures of more destash stuff. (too much stuff) Today was somewhat productive.

Am currently watching The Complete Jane Austen on PBS. I'm getting a little love-storied out. It's not helping with my...situation. I need to watch Transformers. Haha.

Post Picture: Taken last fall. This was the final leaf on my neighbor's tree. Sometimes I feel like that leaf, clinging too hard, long after everyone else has let go, knowing I should...but very afraid to fall.

Wish- Finding Me

Wishes, really, just don't work for me. Still I try.

I wish, if upon buying those tickets, if they called my number, I'd get my wish. But that's a lot of ifs.

I wish I wasn't afraid. I wish I understood. I wish didn't care so much. I wish I wasn't so entangled. I wish I wasn't so conflicted. I wish I knew how to handle this like a normal girl. I wish I knew who to tell. I wish I knew where I stood. I wish this didn't take my breath away, make my head hurt, cause my stomach to flip, have my heart race. But that's a lot to wish.

So I linger here, between hither and yon, (No, I don't use 'yon' in normal speak. Archaic words get broken out when I write.) a little lost, off-balance, confused, prosing introspectively, a task I used to hate. Each day is a little new, but mostly the same. I get caught up, let down, smile knowingly, try to hide it. It's a fight everyday, for sanity, for guidance, for emotional equilibrium. And I long for peace, almost as much as I long...to see...

"Go with it," I hear. That's too vague a direction for analytical me, cautious me. I need more, crave more. Wish.

Post Picture: Courtesy of thecanster of Etsy. From her listing for Blue Wish Tickets

ThisNext find 1.24

I found this through ThisNext I'm not sure how true it is of my blog, but...hehe. So I checked out the site where it came from, Despair,Inc., and loved so much of it. It's perfect for my inner sarcastic kid. I'm not that far removed from my teen years. :P

So that's lookin' like it'll be my post for the day. I may work on functions, as in math, with my mom later. She was a math major so she understands these things. I can teach myself a lot, but math is NOT one of them. (via hwilson)