Wish- Finding Me

Wishes, really, just don't work for me. Still I try.

I wish, if upon buying those tickets, if they called my number, I'd get my wish. But that's a lot of ifs.

I wish I wasn't afraid. I wish I understood. I wish didn't care so much. I wish I wasn't so entangled. I wish I wasn't so conflicted. I wish I knew how to handle this like a normal girl. I wish I knew who to tell. I wish I knew where I stood. I wish this didn't take my breath away, make my head hurt, cause my stomach to flip, have my heart race. But that's a lot to wish.

So I linger here, between hither and yon, (No, I don't use 'yon' in normal speak. Archaic words get broken out when I write.) a little lost, off-balance, confused, prosing introspectively, a task I used to hate. Each day is a little new, but mostly the same. I get caught up, let down, smile knowingly, try to hide it. It's a fight everyday, for sanity, for guidance, for emotional equilibrium. And I long for peace, almost as much as I long...to see...

"Go with it," I hear. That's too vague a direction for analytical me, cautious me. I need more, crave more. Wish.

Post Picture: Courtesy of thecanster of Etsy. From her listing for Blue Wish Tickets

ThisNext find 1.24

I found this through ThisNext I'm not sure how true it is of my blog, but...hehe. So I checked out the site where it came from, Despair,Inc., and loved so much of it. It's perfect for my inner sarcastic kid. I'm not that far removed from my teen years. :P

So that's lookin' like it'll be my post for the day. I may work on functions, as in math, with my mom later. She was a math major so she understands these things. I can teach myself a lot, but math is NOT one of them. (via hwilson)

'Un' as in 'not'

I'm not very inspired in regards to a post. But I haven't written here in a few days. I check the blog everyday for comments and just to look at it. I really like it, now. But I just can't think of a coherent post topic. I have everything to say, but really it's best left unsaid. I think. So I talk to myself. I'm home pretty much all day so...*sigh*

Er, uh, hmm...sorry I just don't have anything. I've got random made up words running through my brain. 'Iggle' for example. Where they came from I have no idea. I want to watch American Idol but my dad has commandeered the one TV in the house. I'm the only AI fan, and I'm not even really a fan. Meh!

Post Picture: My hand, from my earlier fascination. I like it.

Sing with me

for Bro2
Originally uploaded by lpdesigns

Okay, not really. You don't have to.

Today is Bro2's birthday. He's 15. Eep! The picture is my gift to him, a little bit of handmade goodness. I really like that paper. So colorful. I wanted to get a pic before he tore into it. Traditionally we open birthday gifts around dinnertime. It does tend to promote procrastination. :P

Just don't

I used to read Funky Winkerbean rather rabidly. I cared, probably more than a sane person should, about the characters. Then the artist, Tom Batiuk (rhymes with attic) killed one of the main characters after she lost her battle with cancer. I wrote about that here, too. (Is that a sign of something seriously wrong?)

Anyway, now I just don't care. He then skipped ahead in time 10 years. Not sure how he's pulling that off because he was having current events impact the characters. Unless he's a real Journeyman he won't be able to do that anymore. Readers missed those 10 years and somehow I'm not feeling like he's doing anything to catch us up. It's just a little weak.

Another thing I'm getting past is all the reality/game show TV. I realize this is because of the writer's strike. But really, it's almost painful. Deal or No Deal is on 3 times a week now. Gah!

So I ought to resolve to make a change and use the time I used to spend filling up on TV on more productive things. But I, like most, am not good at following resolutions. I shall simply say I hope to do more and leave it at that.