NaNoWriMo

I gave myself another project. Seems that's what my life has become. In truth, I like it this way. Searching for things to stretch my skills, my brain...my patience. First it was the video for the Etsy contest, then my scarf (lace...on the second knitting project, nuts!). Now, it's NaNoWriMo.

I'm not a stranger to the literary world. I've started and stopped several short stories and book ideas. One of which I had shared with my mom's friend who recently died. I never finished it. Always thought I'd have time to do it later. While for the moment *I* still have time, she will never know about it.

So to get in the flow of writing again, I'd abandoned it for Etsy shop stuff, I started a NaNoWriMo...short of National Novel Writing Month. My plot is all over the place and my characters are shaky. But the point is to blast through writing 50,000 words in 30 days. I don't know how close I'll get to that. I've lost a day already. But I have around 4,000. That's amazing to me. I'm not stopping to edit unless I misspell something or the wording is really wrong. I've changed the POV mid-scene, used cheesy plot twists. It's not Pulitzer, but it's a challenge that I'm willing to take on. So I'm happy. And sad.

thisnext:: clairejauregui

It's hard for me to really describe why I like certain pieces of art. I'm into motion and layers, shapes and colors, contrast colors and abstracts. This fits that bill. I makes a little part of me leap with happiness.

From clairejauregui

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wb- heartbreak

Yesterday, my mom lost her best friend. It's hit us all pretty hard. There was no long sickness. She'd had surgery and then lots of complications but none of them particularly threatening until about Thursday night. She had gotten an infection. Mom went out to Illinois where the friend lived. Yesterday she died. For the first time in my life I saw my dad cry. This was a special lady.

It's lead to a lot of thought. We had been praying for her to get well since August, when she had the surgery and didn't heal as quickly as we had hoped. My heart breaks for her family, her husband and two daughters who were like an uncle and cousins to me.

I kept rolling the words around in my head. That she'd died. But I just couldn't make them make sense. It wasn't right. She couldn't be dead. We were supposed to have Thanksgiving together. I erased that off the calendar yesterday. So Mom wouldn't have to see it when she comes home. So that I wouldn't have to see it and be reminded that it would never happen, could never happen.

It's impossible to figure out why. She had so much she wanted to do, so much to live for. We believe she's in a better place now where all her health problems are now more but it hurts. I want to be with my mom and my IL family. But I'm here in CT.

Death is so permanent. So final. But I believe love can conquer for as hokey as that sounds. That this dear lady's memory will live on through each person she touched. I wish I could have the sense of purpose that I had now...7 years ago. There were projects I started that she encouraged me to finish and now...she's gone. Gone. It will take a while for all of us to adjust, to figure out how to incorporate this pain into our lives. She's missed already.

Post Picture:Our families sharing Father's Day in 2008.

spt and scarf

I finished my second ever knitting project and my first lace project. I think it turned out pretty darn well. (after I frogged it) I'm loving bamboo yarn. It's so soft and has a luxe sheen to it. It had a lot of...plys? Is that what you say? They were a lot of threads that made up the single yarn...cord?

As mentioned before the pattern is from knitty. I'd like to make it again, with a thicker yarn in a darker color and change the pattern a bit.

The self portrait you can see on my flickr.

Post Picture: Closer-up of the pattern of my scarf. Bro2 promptly said, "This is for show, right?" since we live in CT and a scarf with holes doesn't make sense to him. heh...men.

determined

Lots has been going...in my head mostly. I need a place to write it out, stop the cyclical thoughts. It's draining. Not here, here's not the place. I have 8 kazillion notebooks for the purpose. But I don't feel like getting them off the shelf, finding a pen (they all disappeared with 2 weeks of the start of the semester), and doing it. So I keep thinking and wondering, debating, contemplating. *headdesk*

I will take some pictures, sometime this week, before all the leaves are gone. I will write down my thoughts...in one of my many books. I will take time to work on non-school projects. I need that outlet. School is driving me crazy for reasons that have little to do with workload. I will turn my frustration into something positive. I will make actions out of my endless thinking. I will...keep going.