Plans have shifted and changed a lot in the last few weeks. Too much to go into here. But things are starting to settle down for a bit before they ramp back up for December, the craziest month of the year.
I discovered a local yarn shop,Creative Fibers. The staff is super-friendly and the yarn selection is overwhelming and lovely. I don't think I'll go back to buying yarn at chain stores. Is yarn-snobdom in my future? Perhaps?
School is going okay. I missed having teachers who didn't know what they were doing during high school because I was homeschooled. I'm having to call on reserves of patience to deal with some of the tricks in my classes. So, I've learned a lot this semester about myself and dealing with people than academically.
Got stalled with my Nanowrimo. I have no time with all the school things to do. November is such an inconvenient month to have that...for college students anyway. It got me writing again. So I'm happy I started it.
I'll stop this before I get too journal-ish. I think the semester break will be filled with doing craft things I've neglected, getting Minifolk running, and family.
Post Picture: I'm working on a custom scarf for Etsy pal, Brooke, cause I have the knitting skills now. hehe. She wanted it skinny and bright red.
On Saturday my mom came home. She'd been gone for a week, helping her friend's family with the funeral. We missed her. Saturday was full of hugs and long talks.
Sunday was gorgeous, nearly in the 70s which is pretty unheard for the Northeast US in November. So I took a walk. I took a lot of pictures, with just my regular lens and my polarizer. I've decided that I need a buttload of practice shooting outside. I need a buttload of practice shooting at all. Perhaps a photography class is in order. Next semester...what do you say?
I wish I was more confident. That I didn't feel the need to hide my camera from people...or hide myself from people. It's confusing, this artist life. Constant critiqueing from myself and from other. And the back-of-my-mind doubt-ishness...am I doing the right thing? Am I wasting my time?
I love to create. I have since I was a child. I just want to know if it's worth it. Should it be a hobby that I only break out on occasion like one of my artist aunts? If I'm good enough to keep going. The ideas don't stop, though. I'm always examining things to see how they're made, imagining reconstructings. It's a passion. I just want to have more faith in myself.
I gave myself another project. Seems that's what my life has become. In truth, I like it this way. Searching for things to stretch my skills, my brain...my patience. First it was the video for the Etsy contest, then my scarf (lace...on the second knitting project, nuts!). Now, it's NaNoWriMo.
I'm not a stranger to the literary world. I've started and stopped several short stories and book ideas. One of which I had shared with my mom's friend who recently died. I never finished it. Always thought I'd have time to do it later. While for the moment *I* still have time, she will never know about it.
So to get in the flow of writing again, I'd abandoned it for Etsy shop stuff, I started a NaNoWriMo...short of National Novel Writing Month. My plot is all over the place and my characters are shaky. But the point is to blast through writing 50,000 words in 30 days. I don't know how close I'll get to that. I've lost a day already. But I have around 4,000. That's amazing to me. I'm not stopping to edit unless I misspell something or the wording is really wrong. I've changed the POV mid-scene, used cheesy plot twists. It's not Pulitzer, but it's a challenge that I'm willing to take on. So I'm happy. And sad.
It's hard for me to really describe why I like certain pieces of art. I'm into motion and layers, shapes and colors, contrast colors and abstracts. This fits that bill. I makes a little part of me leap with happiness.
Yesterday, my mom lost her best friend. It's hit us all pretty hard. There was no long sickness. She'd had surgery and then lots of complications but none of them particularly threatening until about Thursday night. She had gotten an infection. Mom went out to Illinois where the friend lived. Yesterday she died. For the first time in my life I saw my dad cry. This was a special lady.
It's lead to a lot of thought. We had been praying for her to get well since August, when she had the surgery and didn't heal as quickly as we had hoped. My heart breaks for her family, her husband and two daughters who were like an uncle and cousins to me.
I kept rolling the words around in my head. That she'd died. But I just couldn't make them make sense. It wasn't right. She couldn't be dead. We were supposed to have Thanksgiving together. I erased that off the calendar yesterday. So Mom wouldn't have to see it when she comes home. So that I wouldn't have to see it and be reminded that it would never happen, could never happen.
It's impossible to figure out why. She had so much she wanted to do, so much to live for. We believe she's in a better place now where all her health problems are now more but it hurts. I want to be with my mom and my IL family. But I'm here in CT.
Death is so permanent. So final. But I believe love can conquer for as hokey as that sounds. That this dear lady's memory will live on through each person she touched. I wish I could have the sense of purpose that I had now...7 years ago. There were projects I started that she encouraged me to finish and now...she's gone. Gone. It will take a while for all of us to adjust, to figure out how to incorporate this pain into our lives. She's missed already.
Post Picture:Our families sharing Father's Day in 2008.